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Posts Tagged ‘ups and downs’

‎Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed by everything I don’t know. I feel it swarming around me like dust being blown from a table, swirling and dancing about in the sunlight before it settles down once again.

There seems to be so much of it these days; so much that I don’t even know how to start wading through it all. And with it all inevitably comes the doubt that piles on top, making me wonder if there are even more things I don’t know, I just haven’t realized them yet.

It’s hard. It’s a hard, sticky place to be and, having been here before, I know it’s easy to get stuck here. It’s so easy to get lost in the down and out and forget about all of the ups that still exist, no matter how well they are hidden right now.

But I will try. I will try because what else is there to do? Succumbing to ‎the doubts never serve any purpose but to make it harder to see the outside. If I keep my head down much longer I may just forget how beautiful it is to look up.

So I will try. I will try not to think of the things I don’t know, the things I don’t understand, the things I don’t feel. And instead I will remember the certainties that follow me as I go; the things that will always be there to prop me up when I stumble.

I know the beautiful feeling of cracking open a new book, quickly escaping into the lives of those who live in its pages.

I know the love of spontaneous hug, small arms wrapped tightly around my waist and cheeks rubbing against the softness of my middle.

I know the choices I have made that have turned out more perfectly than I could have ever imagined, and the inherent satisfaction that can only come from following my heart.

I know the way things click into place when I find the right words, and the way that getting them out of my head and down on paper makes the load seem just a little bit lighter.

I know the people in my life who understand me and still choose to love me, those who hold my hand and show me the way through the dark, those who know that’s truly the only way to appreciate the light.

These are the things I know, and I will remind myself that one day I won’t have to work so hard to remember what I know to be true.

One day those are the things that will fill all the spaces in my head where the questions now live.

One day.

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