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Posts Tagged ‘truth’

It was meant to be.

As long as I can remember I have hated the idea of ‘meant to be’ and also its kissing cousin ‘not meant to be.’  I just can’t get behind the idea of things being so much out of my control, and the thought that I’m simply wandering through life waiting for things to come and for some unforeseen force to decide what’s going to happen.

When things happen, or don’t as the case may be, the words I dread the most are usually from the most well-being people.  They smile, they take my hand, they hold me close and then utter ‘it just wasn’t meant to be’ and my insides start to recoil.  I get that the people saying it to me come at it from the best possible place, a place of meaning well and wanting to comfort and hoping to reduce the pain. In reality though, none of those things actually happen.

Instead, in my ears, it sounds like a cop out, a throw away to try to explain things that can’t be explained and excuse things that can’t be excused.

And then, a few weeks ago, I came across this quote and something inside me just clicked.

It’s not that it wasn’t meant to be; it just wasn’t meant for me.

For some reason changing those two little words made it make sense to me.  Changing two little words made the idea ring true with me in a way that nothing else before it had.  Some things in this life are meant for me, some people, some experiences, some gifts, some adventures, some moments, some breaths, some tears, some laughs.

And some are not.

Where ‘meant to be’ sounded like an excuse, ‘meant for me’ sounds like a reason, it feels like truth in my heart.

And while getting to this place has seemed like such a long journey, I realize that the real work is still to come. While I can now view missed opportunities and unfulfilled dreams as simply not part of my path, I’m certainly a long way from being able to say I can let go of them gracefully.

Because if understanding comes from the head, letting go is very much an act of the heart and in my life, it is the heart that has always been hardest to convince.

But I will try, I will try because suddenly it feels worth it and the goal, though distant, now feels reachable.  The hard work seems difficult but not impossible. I can now dream of getting to the place where letting go is about finding acceptance rather than giving up.

It’s amazing the difference two little words can make.

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The truth is I don’t read or watch or listen to the news. It just makes me feel depressed and dumb.

The truth is I always thought as a parent I would savour tucking my kids in at night but I don’t. The truth is I actually hate it and by the end of the day I just want them to go to sleep already.

The truth is I generally judge all books by their covers. The truth is I generally judge everything by its cover.

The truth is I could eat breakfast for every meal.

The truth is the greatest sense of accomplishment I’ve felt in the last six months is passing level 37 of Candy Crush.

The truth is I don’t really care how my hair looks, as you can probably tell when you see how my hair looks.

The truth is I judge people by the books they read and the TV shows they watch.

The truth is my favourite aisle at Walmart is the one with all of the plastic containers.  It makes me want to put everything I own in a plastic container.

The truth is I eat more chocolate than I should.

The truth is I used to care ‎what my linen closet looked like; I used to care what other people thought my linen closet looked like.  The truth is I don’t care any more and to prove it, here is what my linen closet looks like.

Don't tell Martha

Don’t tell Martha

The truth is ‎I just pretend to know what the word Zeitgeist means.

‎The truth is I generally prefer books to people.

The truth is ‎I’m horrible with directions or spatial awareness of any kind. The truth is I almost always get lost in parking garages.

The truth is my motherhood idol is Amy Duncan from Good Luck Charlie.

The truth is I usually decide within five minutes of meeting someone whether we’re going to be friends or not. The truth is even when I probably could change my mind about my initial impression, I usually don’t.

The truth is sometimes I run the dryer over and over after the clothes are already dry because I don’t feel like folding them.

The truth is, it’s nice to have somewhere to share my truths.

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