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Posts Tagged ‘realizations’

‎As has become something of a tradition here at the Palace, today I have put together my new year’s realizations for the year that has passed.

1) ‎There’s a time to battle and fight and push against, and there’s a time to stop fighting and let the tide take you where it will. There is a certain gentle ease to be found in letting the universe lead and simply sitting back and enjoying the ride.

2) Sometimes you just need to make a change – whether it’s good or bad is really irrelevant, it’s better just because it’s different. Different people, different places, different conversations, a different view – sometimes all of those differences can also help you to see yourself in a new light too.

3) ‎No one is as happy as they seem on Instagram, as witty as they seem on Twitter or as perfect as they seem on Facebook, so stop using these mediums as a gage of how you stack up. And also don’t use them to determine the realities of other people’s lives. You want to see what someone is doing, check out their feed, you want to see how someone is doing, give them a call, or better yet sit down across a steaming cup of tea and ask them. The reality is usually very different than it appears on the screen.

4) The things that are meant to last, will last, no matter the time or space or distance. They may take a bit of work but everything worth having is worth working for and when it’s meaningful, it doesn’t seem like work. On the other hand, the things that aren’t meant to last, the things for which the effort given greatly outweighs the rewards received, will drag you down if you let them. The biggest difficulty is looking at all of the things in your life and determining which category they fall in to.

5) You are stronger than you ‎think, and also weaker than you think. There will be times when you amaze yourself with your ability to handle difficult situations, and you will also be disappointed with your inability to deal with other situations. Be proud of yourself when you show strength, but also be gentle with yourself during the times when you huddle under the covers. You’ll do better next time, or you won’t, but either way you need to be your own biggest cheerleader.

6) The surest way to ruin any situation, activity, event or interaction is to go in with expectations. Even if you think those expectations are realistic (or even err to the side of low), they taint the way you see things from that point on. Go in with nothing. Go in with a clear head and an open mind and a willingness to take what comes and suddenly it’s infinitely easier to just participate rather than trying to mold things to fit what you thought they were going to be.
And on that note, I wish each of you a year in which you expect nothing, and are therefore pleasantly surprised by all that 2015 brings to you.

Happy New Year!

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‎Ordinary.

We’re not supposed to be ordinary. We’re supposed to be something more, something bigger, something better.

We’re supposed to be extraordinary.

Or at least that’s what I thought.

I thought ordinary meant I wasn’t trying hard enough.

I thought ordinary meant I didn’t have high enough expectations or big enough dreams.

I thought ordinary meant I should be doing more, being more, anything more than what I am right now in this moment.

But I’m tired.

I’m tired of trying to be extraordi‎nary; of assuming I’m supposed to want to be extraordinary. I’m tired of feeling like what I am is not enough, of being dissatisfied, of constantly measuring myself and always coming up short.

Because for right now, maybe ordinary is enough.

Maybe ‎the very act of succeeding at being ordinary is enough.

And maybe it doesn’t mean I’ve given up or I’m settling or accepting or that I won’t do amazing things.

Maybe it just means that I’ve finally realized that on a lot of days, ordinary is pretty great.

Ordinary is two unique and inherently magnificent kids and a man who has held my heart in his hands for more than half of my life.

Ordinary is a house in the burbs and a minivan littered with half-empty juice boxes and cracker crumbs.

Ordinary is messy closets and scuffed shoes and wrinkled blouses that I don’t wear because I’m too lazy to iron them.

Ordinary is ‎toothbrushes beside the sink and towels on the back of the door and a favourite ripped t-shirt folded in a drawer.

Ordinary is a calendar on the wall filled with hockey games and soccer practices, dentist appointments and birthday parties.

And maybe from the outside ordinary seems small and simple and boring. There are even times I have wondered if that’s what I should think.

But that would mean that I’ve forgotten how much work it has taken to get to where I am; that I choose not to remember how much I always wanted to be exactly where I am right now.

‎Because it has taken a lot of extraordinary things to create this ordinary life of mine.

And maybe it’s time to be okay with that.

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So here we go again, something that seems to have become an annual tradition here at the Palace, my new year’s “realizations.”  While others make resolutions about what they want to see happen in the new year, I find it much more helpful to look back at the year that has passed and examine the lessons I have learned (or should have learned) from the last 12 months.

1) Tears don’t fix things, but that doesn’t mean they’re not valuable.  They don’t solve problems or heal wounds or right what has gone wrong but sometimes they help.  They help wash away the pain for long enough that I can get up off the floor and get back to what I’m supposed to be doing, even if just for a short period of time.  Don’t fight the tears; they come for a reason.  They come when the pain is too much to keep inside and it needs to be released.  Embrace the tears, welcome them and appreciate their purpose.  Let them come, and when they’re done, wipe away what’s left and go on.

2) I have no idea what’s going on in other people’s minds and guessing just makes things worse.  It’s hard enough to figure out my own motivation for doing things, let alone trying to guess what makes other people tick.  I assume I know you, I assume I know what you’re going through and how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking.  But I don’t.  I don’t have a clue.  I don’t know any of it and trying to guess is unfair to you.  If you want me to know, you’ll tell me and then we’ll deal with it together.  In the meantime, I’ll be over here trying to figure out my own shit.

3) I’m tired of being sorry.  I’m tired of assuming that I should be sorry for things, even if I don’t specifically know what they are.  I’m tired of apologizing for things I don’t think are wrong.  So I’m not going to do it any more.  And I’m not even going to be sorry about it.

4) There is very little in the world that I can control so I need to stop thinking I can.  I have spent a lot of time in the last 12 months thinking that if only I had done things differently, they wouldn’t have turned out the way they did.  Now I finally realize that I’ve given myself way too much credit.  I can’t control the universe or fate or karma or the thoughts and opinions of others.  I can barely control my own thoughts.  It’s time to stop thinking otherwise.  Maybe that will stop me from feeling like a failure most of the time.

5) Life is tough and it takes work, hard work, to get through it.  But at the end of the day it’s worth it.  It’s worth the hard work and the sweat and the tears and the back-breaking weight of it all.  Because there are moments that make it seem like not so much work after all, and that’s what I have to strive for; to push my way through the work to get to the reward.  And then to enjoy the reward when I get there and appreciate the work it took.  Even if it’s just for a moment, just for one breath or one giggle or one hug.  I will let those things fill me back up and give me the strength to get to the next one.  That’s what it’s about.

Now let’s just hope I can remember these lessons going forward, so that I don’t have to keep learning them over and over and over again.  Because I’m sure 2014 will have its share of things to teach me, whether I want to learn them or not!

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