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Posts Tagged ‘problems’

When I was a kid I played a few different types of organized sports and one thing that was common across almost all of them was the ready position. It varied slightly from sport to sport but contained a few consistent elements: knees bent, arms slightly raised, head up, eyes focused. If you were in the ready position you were prepared for anything that might come your way, at least in theory.

Years later I am now an adult and I play no organized sports. Yet it occurred to me that I spend a large amount of my time in the ready position. Not physically though, I have to admit I would look a little odd standing in my kitchen hunched over slightly, ready to field a hotshot grounder on a baseball field, but rather now the ready position seems to be a constant state of mind.

What next? What’s going to happen next that I have to deal with? What problem to be solved, ‎issue to be fixed, potential argument to be avoided?

When I’m at work and the phone rings, I wonder “what now?” When someone walks into my office and closes the door I’m already anticipating which crisis they are going to drop at my desk.

When I’m at home and I go through my kids school agendas I fear the pieces of paper that signal something else to be done. When I see a text message on my phone that says “call me” my first thought is “this can’t be good.”

Because is it just me or ‎lately does it always seem to be bad news? Something that means more work and more stress and more problem solving and more and more and more. Sometimes when I find myself assuming the worst I try to force myself to go the other way. I stop and try to come up with ideas of what it could be that would be good.

I usually don’t get very far.

It always seems there are a million different things that can (and do) go wrong, but barely a handful of things that could go right. I’ve never been very good at math but even I can figure out that those aren’t great odds.

So I find myself searching for times when I don’t have to be ready and able to deal with the next thing. I forward the phone to voicemail, leave my cell phone in my purse, turn off the TV and just sit. I try to give my brain a break from the constant need to solve, arrange, fix, schedule, organize everything that comes my way.

I know these moments won’t last long and that sooner rather than later I will have to reconnect to the world and all of its demands but when I do, I find myself a little calmer, thinking a little clearer, breathing a little deeper.

And once again ready to face what will inevitably be coming next.

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Today I’m having a bagel for dinner.

Today I got fitted for a mouth guard I have to wear when I sleep because apparently I clench my jaw so hard I have cracked three of my fillings.  This meant that today I spent twenty minutes in the dentist chair while a very friendly lady shoved a metal plate into my mouth that oozed purple goo.

Today I got to make another appointment to go back and pick up said mouthguard which I am supposed to wear every night when I sleep.

Today I had a flashback of being 13 and getting fitted for my retainer.

Today I realized that being a “grown up” is not really any better than being a teenager.

Today it rained.

Today it rained all day.

Today it rained so hard that the front of my pants got wet just walking to my car.

Today it was so windy the rain was falling sideways and my umbrella turned inside out.

Today I said some words I shouldn’t have.

Today I wore the wrong shoes.

Today the weatherman decided he was going to be right about the forecast, after having been wrong for the last 248 days in a row.

Today everyone else wore rain boots and I wore thin canvas shoes that were soaking wet before I even hit the door.

Today I left work early to make it in time for my above-mentioned appointment with the metal plate and the purple goo.

Today my car had other ideas.

Today the kids got to come to the dentist with mommy because daddy had to wait for the tow truck to tow mommy’s car from the train station parking lot to Canadian Tire.

Today I said lots of words I probably shouldn’t have.

Today I felt like everything was going wrong.

Today before my son went to bed he gave me an invitation to his kindergarten graduation and, with his big eyes staring at me, asked “Mama, do you think you’ll be able to come?”

Today a lot of things went wrong…but not everything.

Today I will finish my bagel for dinner, and get things ready for tomorrow.

Tomorrow maybe things will go my way.

Tomorrow.

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