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Posts Tagged ‘lights’

‎For the last few weeks I have had an almost overwhelming desire to put up my Christmas tree. I know it’s too early. I know it’s not time yet but still I want to.

I spent an hour last week wandering through the aisles of Canadian Tire looking at the ornaments and wrapping paper. I picked up five Christmas CDs when I was at the library and promptly put one into the CD player in my car so I could sing along on the way home.

I have pulled out my recipe box and am making lists of holiday baking I want to do. I went online and spent hours picking out “just the right template” for our Christmas cards and “just the right pictures” to go on the card and actually ordered them.

I saw something on Pinterest I wanted to make, went out and got all of the supplies and spent two hours in my basement last night actually making it. Not thinking about it, not starting it and then giving up, but actually making the thing all the way through to the end.

I need it to be Christmas right now. Because right now I’m feeling all warm and holiday-ish ‎ and inspired. Right now I love the decorations and the songs and the stacks of store flyers at my door. I feel inspired and optimistic and yes, dare I say it, even excited.

I need it to be Christmas right now, because I’m not sure how long the feeling can last. I know there’s no way that I will actually feel like this in a month when the actual Christmas is actually around the corner.

Because by then I will have shopped more than I ever wanted to and I still won’t be done. I will have promised myself a dozen times that this will be the year I don’t leave all the wrapping until the end but I will break my promise, again. I will be tired of baking and having my kitchen counter perpetually covered in flour.

I will have forgotten three people I need gifts for. I will be tired of dusting around all of the knick-knacks and vacuuming up the needles that continuously fall from the fake garlands that line my banisters.

‎I will be sick of the music; sick of hearing Jingle Bells on the radio for the hundredth time in a single day. The calendar on my wall will be stuffed full of concerts and family gatherings and dinners and brunches and all I will want to do is sit at home in my pajamas.

I will have spent much too much time in the checkout at Walmart at 10:00 at night wondering what happened to my life.

I know all of this with a certainty deep in my heart because I’ve been around the block a few times now. This is not my first time doing this Christmas thing, now in the role of the person responsible for the tidings and the joy. I know by the time it arrives I will be tired of pretending I’m having fun and will just want it to be over.

That will be then, but this is now and knowing that then is coming makes me appreciate now even more. I stare at wrapping paper and picture the beautiful gifts under the tree. I sit back and watch the excitement grow on my kids’ faces and I allow myself to warm at the feeling. I read the Christmas books all the way to the end and pull the holiday DVDs down off the top shelf. I wear socks with Santas on them.

I’m celebrating Christmas in November this year, and holding on to that holiday feeling for as long as I can. ‎

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