Posts Tagged ‘happiness’

If only I could have 15 more minutes of sleep. Just 15 more minutes and I would be ready to face the day, and all the moments it holds. If I had those 15 more minutes I could be happy.

If only you didn’t say those words, in that tone, with that look on your face. If you would just take back those words and replace that look with a smile, then I could be happy.

If only I could find that library book, the one that’s due today. Why isn’t it right there on the table where I left it? If only I could keep track of the million pieces of my life, then I could be happy.

If only the kids would just do what I ask, when I ask the very first time. Put on their shoes when I ask, pick up their toys when I ask, go to sleep when I ask. If they would just listen, then I could be happy.

If only that thing that happened all those months ago didn’t happen after all. Then the memories wouldn’t run around in my head on a constant loop, over and over again, and then I could be happy.

If only I could get over it and move on like I’m supposed to. I know that’s what I should do, what I want to do, but I just don’t know how. If only someone would teach me how, then I could be happy.

If only tomorrow was Friday and not Monday. If only it was two weeks from now instead of this week. If only I could fast forward, then I’m sure I could be happy in that moment, as I can’t seem to be in this moment.

If only it were this time last year instead of this time this year. Then I could avoid all the mistakes, all the choices and decisions that led me to this spot. This spot where everything seems difficult and bumpy and foggy. If only I had avoided this spot, then I could be happy.

If only I knew where I was going, knew which path to take, which door to open, which question to answer. If I knew, then I could be happy.

If only things were different; not the things I don’t want to be different but everything else. If those things were different, then I could be happy.

If only everything that was wrong ended up being right, and the sun was shining and I was wearing the right shoes and the sunglasses that don’t rub my nose, then I could be happy.

If only I could stop letting all these little things in life get in the way, because life will always get in the way. Because I know happiness doesn’t come in place of all of those things, it comes in spite of them. I know that, but knowing and doing are two very different things.

If only I could.

If only.

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Here it is grey.

Here it is a drizzly kind of day that forces you to remember your umbrella and cram your feet into your rain boots.  It is a day that encourages inaction and leaves you dreaming of hours spent on the couch, under a soft blanket, feet tucked up under you.

Here it is a day for quiet, a day spent living in your own head.

Here it is a day that will be lived and then forgotten; washed away by all of the rain that pours down.

Here it is the most regular of the regular kind of days.

But somewhere else, this day will be magic.

When I’m having a day of nothingness, I like to think that somewhere else, someone is having a day of amazingness.

Somewhere the stick will turn pink and eyes will fill with tears of joy.

Somewhere the ring will fit perfectly.

Somewhere eyes will meet across a crowded room and a love story will begin.

Somewhere a door will open and a first step will be taken on an amazing new adventure.

Somewhere a plane will take off, and a dream will come true.

Somewhere this is a day that will be remembered forever, celebrated forever, cherished forever.

Even if that somewhere isn’t here; it still makes me happy.  It makes me happy to think that somewhere out there, today will be someone’s best day.  I have had some pretty wonderful best days, and one day it will be my turn again.

And until then I will watch the rain fall outside my window, and celebrate someone else’s day.

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When life is good I usually spend most of my time worrying about the fact that one day it won’t be so good anymore.

I don’t believe it’s possible to be happy all the time. In fact, I think that would be kind of boring. How can you truly appreciate happiness if you don’t know what the other side of the coin looks like?

I mean it’s inevitable. One day it will rain, there will be tears, there will be cruel words said, there will be feelings hurt, the doctor will have bad news, the cat will throw up on the carpet, something will be lost that cannot be found.

But not today.

I know this won’t last forever but for right now, today, this minute, this moment, life is good. And this time, for some reason, knowing that it won’t last forever is making it even sweeter.

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Every day on my trip to work I walk through what is essentially a series of inter-connected underground shopping malls. Yep, it’s about as great as it sounds. Well, great for shopping – not so great for the bank account, but I digress.

Every day when I exit the train station and enter the first shopping mall I pass a Godiva chocolate store. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever had Godiva chocolate but let me tell you, it’s pretty amazing. I myself have only had it once or twice when people generously decided to give it as a gift because let’s be honest, it’s not cheap. It’s hard to justify spending more on chocolate than I do on shoes, but man is it good. But again, I digress.

Every day when I pass by the chocolate store I look through the large front window to see if he’s there today.

The man who dips the strawberries.

Now don’t worry, this is not going to turn into a “50 Shades of Chocolate” kind of thing; I look for the strawberry guy because he always looks so ridiculously happy.

Every day when I see this guy I can’t help but smile. He honest to goodness looks about as happy as a person could be, standing there dipping strawberry after strawberry in a bowl of chocolate.

Every day I wonder what makes him look so happy. Does he love his job that much? Doesn’t it get boring, tedious, monotonous? I mean I realize he doesn’t spend his whole day dipping, I’m sure he has other chocolate-related tasks to complete, but I have no doubt in my mind that he does them all with the same smile, the same look that makes me want to chuck my corporate job and dip strawberries all day.

I spend a lot of my time searching for inspiration, professional challenges, an office, a job title, a name on the door, in the hopes that once I find all of that I will be fulfilled, settled, content.

And then I think about the guy dipping strawberries and I wonder if maybe I need to stop searching for all of that and instead just start looking for happy.

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