Posts Tagged ‘fruit tray’

the fruit tray

I had been doing so well.  I made it through a visit with Santa without blowing my stack waiting in line.  I managed to make multiple trips to the toy store at peak hours without coming to blows with a cashier or wrestling with another parent over the last Lalaloopsy doll in the store.  I cut myself some slack and decided there wouldn’t be Christmas cards this year.  Things were going pretty well considering we’re now only 4 days until the big day.  I was even thinking that a good-old pat on the back could be in order.

And then came the fruit tray.

My daughter announced to me at 8pm tonight that she needs a fruit tray for her party at school on Friday.  The rational, reasonable part of my brain knows that it’s not a big deal.  I mean really, if I don’t have time to make something I can just buy a pre-made one at the store tomorrow and be done with it.  But, the irrational, Christmas-crazed side of my brain decided for some reason that this was the one thing that was going to push me over the edge.  I lost it.  I can fully admit that this was not one of my better moments as a mom and now, 15 minutes later, I feel really horrible.

I wish I was the kind of person who could go with the flow on this type of thing but, after living with myself for 34 years, I know that it’s not me.  I’m the freak-out kind rather than the roll-with-it kind.

I feel really bad about making my daughter feel bad.  All she wants is a fruit tray to take to her school and it’s not her job to worry about the 10,000 other things I have to do over the next 2 days.  To push the dagger further into my heart, I know that if I did the same thing to my mom when I was little (which I’m sure I did…more than once probably), she wouldn’t have freaked out.  She would have smiled, given me a kiss and when it came time to leave for school on the appointed day, she would hand me a beautiful fruit tray, each piece of fruit cut by her own hand, even if she had to stay up until midnight doing it.

And with that I feel 10 times worse.

I will go to the store tomorrow and get my daughter a fruit tray.  She will take it to school with her on Friday and for her, that will probably be the end of it.  Years from now she probably won’t remember any of this – or at least I hope she doesn’t remember any of this.  However, as all of you mom’s out there know, from this point on, every time I hear the words ‘fruit tray’ I will remember this.  I will remember the guilt and the disappointment in myself as a mother, the time spent wishing I was a different kind of mom.

I’m probably going to cry about it a little bit.  Then I’ll take a deep breath and tell myself that it’s okay, that beating myself up about it won’t make things any better.  I’ll probably only half believe it.


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