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Posts Tagged ‘celebrate’

make a wish

Today is my birthday.

The big 3-5 to be exact. Not really a milestone birthday but one whose imminent arrival has given me more than a few moments pause over the last year.

I wondered how I would feel when it finally was “the day.” I find my birthday moods vary widely from year to year and are often impossible to predict.

Depressed and angry?

Thoughtful and retrospective?

Ambivalent and uncaring?

It’s really a wonderful birthday surprise to crack open my eyes each year on September 10 and see what wonders await.

So far this one has been a bit of a jumble. In the days leading up to it I thought I had things well in hand. I was feeling optimistic, appreciative and blessed.

That was until yesterday afternoon when the downward spiral commenced.

The voices in my head which, 24 hours earlier, had been kind, supportive and comforting had somehow disappeared. They were instead replaced by ones who mocked my accomplishments (or lack thereof) and shot down all of the hopes and plans I had made for the coming year.

Believe me, the inside of my head has not been a great place to be.

It carried over into this morning. I spent my commute to work berating myself for allowing another year to pass where nothing has changed. I am in the exact same place, doing the exact same things as I was this time last year; only now I’m a year older. Another year gone, never to return. Time wasted, again.

It was not shaping up to be a good day. I feared I would end up spending it bitter and depressed and when my head hit the pillow tonight I would regret another birthday spent wallowing, rather than celebrating.

But thankfully, slowly things began to shift.

I happily accepted my free birthday drink at Starbucks (sometimes it really is the little things) and smiled back at the stranger behind the counter who wished me a happy birthday and genuinely seemed to mean it.

I got hugs and celebratory hugs from friends who were honestly happy for me. I had a quiet lunch with a friend who presented me with a little bag holding a tiny, perfect present, just for me.

And now I’m heading home where I will be met by two little people who will be beyond excited to finally show me their homemade presents and smother me with birthday kisses. They will excitedly offer to help me blow out the 35 candles on my cake and I will laugh and dot each of their noses with a tiny bit of icing.

And I will close my eyes and make a wish, even though I know for a fact that I already have everything I could ever want.

Happy Birthday to me.

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