Posts Tagged ‘advice’

‎I’ve been spending a lot of time there lately.‎

My 20 year high school reunion is next week. Although I’m not attending, my Facebook feed is clogged with posts and updates and pictures of names and faces I had long since forgotten. Or at least I thought I had forgotten.

Now I hear songs and am instantly taken back to moments sitting on couches, riding in the back of cars, simultaneously carefree and angst-filled, in the way only a 17 year old can be.

I can see the funny sculpture his mom had in their living room, count the number of steps from the back door of the school to the front door of the house, remember the look of her handwriting on the notes she wrote and then folded into intricate triangles.

And I can even almost feel that sense of nervous anticipation in my stomach; the feeling that something, anything, everything, was going to happen. ‎

I re-live scenes from those days as though I’m watching reruns of a show I used to love, shocked to realize how many of the lines I still remember.

Sometimes I catch glimpses of her, that girl with the curly hair and the sarcastic wit, the one who liked to make people think she had it all figured out. Sometimes she even convinced herself.

I see her in the same way I see all of the others, like a wisp of a memory, the edges blurry and faded but still recognizable. I realize that she is me, or at least she is a part of who I used to be. I don’t miss being her as much as I miss knowing her.

I remember that she used to be a pretty good time. I wish we could have a cup of tea and chat, sort of like a big sister and little sister. I would try (and fail) not to give her advice.  Not so much because I think she’ll do anything wrong but because I know she’ll spend way too much time trying to do everything right.

Instead, I would try to instill in her the self-esteem and confidence that end up making everything else so much easier.

People like you.  Really, they do.  And if there are some that don’t, it’s not your job to convince them otherwise.

You are beautiful, you really are.  Believing it and living that belief make it even more true.

Make the first move, go after what you want, trust your gut.  It’s okay to kiss the wrong people sometimes, it makes you even more thankful when you kiss the right one.

Two weeks from now my reunion will have come and gone and the faces that faded before will fade once again.  A song will be just a song and I will stop asking “what if” and go back to wondering “what’s next.”

At least until the next time I find myself on memory lane.

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