Posts Tagged ‘5:30am’

at 5:30 in the morning

I’m not sure if it’s a sign of my advancing age but it’s 5:30 in the morning and while everyone else is sleeping, I’m sitting here typing.  The most ironic thing is that I could actually sleep in a bit; I’m not going to work today so I could enjoy a few extra minutes lounging in my bed.  But no. Not me.

I woke up about half an hour ago and my mind started going.  It moved quickly from Christmas stuff, to work stuff, to family stuff, to whether I need to add laundry detergent to the grocery list, back to work stuff, and then on to the constant in the back of my head: what I should be doing with my life?

When I was younger I thought that once I picked a path for my life, that would be that.  I would find a career that I love, the family stuff would fall into place and life would move forward.  The reality is that while the family stuff is pretty much in hand, I still spend a lot of my day constantly thinking and wondering what I should be doing with my life, career-wise.

Part of me thinks maybe I’m being naive in thinking that I can or should find something to do that will be intellectual challenging, inspiring, fulfilling.  I mean maybe that’s just a pipe dream but I can’t seem to get it out of my head.  I can’t seem to accept things as they are and my mind keeps going around and around and around.  And then it’s 5:30am.

I realize it’s such a bogus thing to complain about.  I have everything I could ever dream of with my family and I know how lucky I am but, at the same time, I feel like there’s something else out there for me.  A way to feel personally fulfilled while still being able to live my life with my family.

If only I knew how to actually achieve that.

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